How a father should be?

٭   To grow up children into the pious and virtuous individuals, it is necessary for a father to earn livelihood through lawful and pure means. How could children attain excellent character and noble deeds when they will be brought up by the livelihood earned through unlawful means?

٭   There is no doubt that each desire cannot be fulfilled but a father should ponder over the demands of his children, if he considers them appropriate, then he should try to go ahead, and if he considers them inappropriate then denying at once is not the solution rather he should ponder over this too that why [any of his] children demanded for such and such a thing; he should examine the causes, and should care about the future of children.

٭   A father is a role model for his children. Children follow him what he does, so, a father should not involve himself in any bad habit. It has been observed that those who smoke, chew Paan, Chhaliya and Gutka (betel leaf, betel nut, betel quid), their children also fall into the habit of eating these kinds of things; moreover, sending children for buying betel leaf, cigarette, betel nut and Gutka also may get them into this bad habit.

٭   Do not develop the habit of using mobile and internet in your children. Since their childhood, keep them away wisely from such devices and means of communication which exert impact on their character and education. Forbidding them from using these things when they grow young carries no fruitful result, rather, on the contrary, there is a risk of suffering loss likewise a 14-year-old student of class 9 committed suicide with a gun on not being allowed Facebook chatting. (Express news online, 27th March 2017)

٭   A 12 year old girl attempted to kill her mother twice after she took her iPhone from her. (Express news online, 27th March 2017)

٭   A father’s busy schedule all the time sometimes creates a distance between him and his children. Those children who do not receive proper attention from their fathers start spending their times away from other family members too. So, as far as possible, a father should give more and more time to his children.

٭   Sometimes a father wants to educate his children according to his perception and thinking. Children should not be burdened with father’s desires rather along with proving children with necessary religious education, it is also essential to observe the mental disposition of children because it is not necessary that the doctor’s son only follows the profession of doctor as a career. Especially when a child has inclination towards religious education, it is a great privilege for his father. If a father provides him with religious education, it will be beneficial for both in the world and the Hereafter. Children, adorned with the bright teachings of Islam, are not only a source of benefit in the world but also help their parents even after their (parents) demise.   

٭   The Beloved Rasool صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم has stated: “When a man dies, his deeds discontinue except three: (1) Sadaqah Jariyah [Sadaqah which gains perpetual reward] (2) or the knowledge by which benefit is acquired (3) or a pious child who makes Du’a for him. (Sahih Muslim, pp. 684, Hadees 4223)

٭   Some people have the habit of relating the educational and moral shortcomings of students before the teachers and relatives thinking that perhaps they are doing a good job. Remember! Be it a child or young man, everyone has self-esteem. Thus such practice of insulting children in front of others makes them more fearless than obedient. A responsible father never relates the faults and drawbacks of his children before others unnecessarily.

٭   In the same way, when children are rebuked and reprimanded by the teachers, some people, as a reaction start speaking evil of teachers in front of children; while such practice damages the reputation of teachers, it also decreases the honour and reverence of the teachers in the eyes of children.

٭   Along with providing education and upbringing to children, a father should also make Du’a for his children because father’s Du’a for his children is answered.

The Beloved Rasool صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم has stated: Three kinds of Du’as are answered (1) Du’a of an oppressed person (2) Du’a of a traveller and (3) Du’a of a father for his son. (Tirmizi, vol. 5, pp. 280, Hadees 3459)

٭   Selection of the appropriate spouse for the children is also a matter of great importance. Majority, while selecting, prefer someone who belong to a rich family, [worldly] qualified and modern; moreover, some people insist on marrying their children within their communities irrespective of the fact that spouses do not have consent to the marriage. In this matter, a father must also ask his children’s opinions, and should prefer a virtuous, Salah-offering and Sawm-observing family.

٭   Some people make distinction among their children. After children become Baaligh (one who reaches the puberty), this is a responsibility of a father not to show any partiality in the matter of education, Tarbiyyat (upbringing), marriage and business amongst his children rather he should treat everyone with equality; furthermore, if a father wants to distribute his property and money etc., in his life-time he should do so justly and give the rightful share to everyone with justice and fairness.

Sayyiduna Noman Bin Basheer رَضِىَ اللهُ تَعَالٰی عَـنْهُ said, My father gave me a gift, [but] (my mother), [Sayyidah] Amrah Bint Rawaha رَضِیَ اللهُ تَعَالٰی عَنْهَا said: “I do not agree to it even if you make the Beloved Rasool صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم a witness [to it].” So, he came in the blessed court of the Beloved Rasool صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم and humbly said: “I have given a gift to this son of mine who is from [Sayyidah] Amrah Bint Rawaha [رَضِیَ اللهُ تَعَالٰی عَنْهَا].  O Beloved Rasool [صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم]! She asks me to make you as a witness to it”. The Beloved Rasool صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم asked, “Have you given to all your children in the same way?” He humbly said: “No.” The Beloved Rasoolصَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم said, “Fear Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ, and do justice to your children.” (Bukhari, vol. 2, pp. 172, Hadees 2587)

For more details about the rights of children on father, read the booklet ‘Aulad kay Huqooq’, authored by A’la Hadrat Imam Ahl-e-Sunnat رَحْمَةُ اللهِ تَعَالٰی عَلَيْه, published by Maktaba-tul-Madinah.

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