How to Instil Self Confidence in Daughters Islamic Guide

How Can One Instil Self-Confidence in Daughters?

Self-confidence is a mental state and a moral quality in which a person has conviction and trust in themself, their abilities, and decisions. This quality is not only desirable but also essential for leading a successful life. Self-confidence means recognising your abilities, trusting them, and acting with reliance (Tawakkul) upon Allah Almighty. The thoughts and feelings we have about ourselves either strengthen our confidence or afflict us with an inferiority complex.

Although much is said about self-confidence, its true meaning and essence are often overlooked, and it is seldom discussed from a child’s perspective. As children grow, they begin to form opinions about themselves based on the words and attitudes of others. The most important point is that the words and behaviour of parents have the greatest influence in shaping a child's self-perception. It is therefore up to the parents whether they help their child cultivate this vital trait of self-confidence or contribute to developing a personality burdened with feelings of inferiority.

Self-confidence plays a critical role in a child’s behaviour, personal drive, and ability to cope with peer pressure. Furthermore, it is important for their learning, creativity, and physical growth. In today's materialistic and glamorous world, it is essential to help children, especially daughters, recognise their true self-worth. By combining Islamic teachings with modern psychological principles, we can create an environment in which daughters not only see themselves as dignified but also face the world with confidence.

Practical Methods of Instilling Confidence

1. Remind your daughter that she is an honoured creation of Allah Almighty.

2. Encourage prayer, supplication, and the remembrance of Allah Almighty as they bring peace to the heart, which strengthens inner confidence. The habit of remaining in a state of ablution at all times not only brings countless blessings, but also helps overcome feelings of inferiority.[1]

3. Teach children that success is not limited to wealth or fame, but it also lies in knowledge, good morals, and serving humanity.

4. Present examples of great women who achieved honour through knowledge, faith, and service. For instance, Sayyidah Khadījah, Sayyidah Fāṭimah, Sayyidah ꜤĀˈishahرَضِیَ اللهُ عَنْهَنَّ and other female Companions, Saints, and dignified Muslim women of our era.

5. Create a positive home environment where your daughter's opinion is valued and she feels safe to express herself without fear. Whether she faces a personal problem or emotional distress, she should feel confident enough to share it with you. Unfortunately, many girls hesitate to speak up due to low confidence or fear of a negative reaction from family members. This silence can aggravate the issue and push them toward emotional or social harm.

6. Show genuine interest in their lives. Ask for their opinions on family matters, respect their views, and try to see things from their perspective. If their opinion is flawed, kindly guide them so they learn how to improve their reasoning. Remember, disagreement is natural, but hostility must be avoided. Instead of imposing orders, offer them multiple choices and let them decide.

7. Connect children with your positive family traditions (which do not contradict Islamic teachings). This helps them develop a strong sense of identity. Acknowledging a child’s individuality and treating them with respect also teaches them to value and respect others’ preferences.

8. Avoid comparing your daughter to others, and never let her compare herself either. Constant comparisons diminish self-confidence and foster feelings of inferiority and jealousy. Teach her that every person is unique, and her strengths are special in their own way.

9. Appreciate and encourage her. Celebrate her small and big achievements, and praise her good qualities.

10. Educate her to protect herself from the negative effects of social media because the online world is often artificial.

11. Teach her that making mistakes is not a weakness, but an opportunity to learn.

12. Share your personal small failures with her, so she understands that everyone learns through experience.

13. Equip her with education and practical skills, such as art, design, cooking, or writing so she can express her abilities and feel empowered.

14. Include affirming phrases in daily conversation, such as: ‘You are intelligent’, ‘Allah Almighty has made you special’.

15. Encourage her to take care of her health and personal tasks so she learns self-respect.

16. Express love openly, whether through kind words or gentle gestures like patting her head; these simple acts play an essential role in building a child’s confidence.

Signs of Self-Confidence

1. A confident person does not hesitate when making decisions.

2. They are not intimidated by failure but consider it an opportunity to learn.

3. They continue their efforts while placing their trust in Allah Almighty. Translation from Kanz al-ꜤIrfān: “then when you have firmly intended an action, place your trust in Allah.”[2]

Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance

It is worth noting that self-confidence and arrogance may appear similar at first glance, but there is a profound difference between them in terms of intention, attitude, and effect.

How to Recognise the Practical Difference?

If you express gratitude for your success and respect others, that is self-confidence. If you belittle others and boast of your greatness, that is arrogance.

May Allah Almighty bless us with the gift of self-confidence and protect us from arrogance.

اٰمِیْنْ بِجَاہِ خاتَمِ النَّبِیّٖن صلَّی اللہُ عَلَیْہ ِوَاٰلِہٖ وَسَلَّمَ