Why do we hate?
Muhammad Asif Attari Madani
On 7th August 2019, a heart rendering incident took place near Sargodha in which a university student opened fire during a domestic dispute and killed six people of his own household. Those killed included his brothers, sister in laws and nephews. After the killings, the young man also shot himself and committed suicide. The video of the killer which was recorded prior to the killings also surfaced in which he released a statement saying: ‘I was hated, do not hate someone so much that he begins to hate others.’ (Geo news website)
Dear readers of the Monthly Magazine Faizan-e-Madina! Committing suicide or killing someone unjustly are both impermissible and Haraam. This tragic incident was the result of hatred and enmity that had developed in the heart. In Arabic, the heart is called ‘قلب [Qalb]’, meaning that which changes. In the Blessed Ahadees, the heart has been compared to a wing which is being blown by the winds in the desert. (Ibn-e-Majah, vol. 1, pp. 67-68, Hadees 88)
Whether it is a child, a youngster or an elderly person, the heart goes through different sentimental feelings and states. Sometimes, upon seeing a distressed person, the passion to help and sympathise with him is developed (in the heart) and at other times, it feels happiness and sadness when experiencing something happy or sad. A person’s heart is sometimes filled with such mercy that he even feeds the sparrows, pigeons and other birds daily and places water for thirsty birds and at times, a person becomes so hard hearted that he does not even refrain from oppressing a helpless animal.
O devotees of the Prophet! Just like many other sentiments, love and hate are also a part of the heart. A good relationship is maintained with the person for whom there is love in the heart and his social life also remains peaceful; whereas, hatred damages relations with one another. It distances a brother from his own brother, a friend from a friend and a husband from his wife. Hatred tarnishes the unity of a family; instead of being a well-wisher for his fellow Muslim brother, hatred leads to a person becoming happy upon the other being harmed; hatred renders a person ill-charactered; it is this hatred that causes fighting and quarrelling; it leads to murders and enmity which remains for many generations. Nowadays, our states are in such decline that the fragrance of love is spread infrequently whereas the fire of hatred is encompassing our society very rapidly.
Why do we hate?
Every disease has one cause or another; there are at least nine possible causes of someone becoming involved in hatred:
1. As opposed to what we expect, when a loved one or a friend does not meet our expectations; e.g. we encountered an emergency situation and after we asked for help, our loved one or friend turned a blind eye to us. This could sow a seed of hatred for them in our heart which could grow into being a tree [of hatred].
2. When our subordinate continues to act contrary to our nature, then a day comes when he no longer has a place in our heart and such a situation ensues that we even sense a smell of bad odour from his fragrance. No matter how amazing the work he produces it, we nit-pick unnecessarily.
3. If someone degraded us before other people or he rebuked us or criticised us without a need, then we start despising that person. If this feeling is not controlled, then one day we can end up having hatred for him.
4. A wrong approach while rectifying can also lead to hatred. Commonly, our state when rectifying people is such that we do so in front of everyone without a Shar’i need by mentioning the person’s name or by staring directly at him and exposing him. Ask your conscience, was this rectifying him or degrading him? Will this improve him or make him worse? Remember, if the person we are addressing becomes silent due to being overawed by us and accepts what we say, feelings of disgust will still remain in his heart which can open the doors of enmity, malice and hatred etc. If only we learn how to rectify properly.
5. Success and failure are a part of life. However, some people feel that it is their responsibility to discourage those who fail. There are only a few people who love such an individual who discourages whereas there are plenty more who hate him.
6. Speaking is a skill and hearing is an even greater skill. Many have the desire to speak, but only a few have the willingness to listen. Such people do not hesitate at all to unnecessarily interrupt the speech of others just to have their own say. This habit of theirs also leads to earning hatred.
7. Becoming angry at everything, shouting and screaming, and being irritated at trivial matters is a sign of having a bad character. A bad character does not lead to love, it instead leads to the development of hatred.
8. To send a marriage proposal after another person’s marriage proposal or agreeing to purchase something after someone has already done so also spreads hatred. Sometimes it so happens that two families are discussing a marriage proposal when suddenly a third person enters the scene or two people are discussing a transaction when a third person forces himself into the conversation. In such a case, the party who is deprived of benefit develops hatred for the one who ruined things for him. Hence, one should not interfere in someone’s marriage proposal or transaction. Rather, he should wait until they have finalised the matter. Now, if the the marriage proposal or the transaction did not go through, one may pursue the matter then, otherwise, he should refrain from doing so.
9. Being suspicious about someone, having a negative assumption about them or being jealous of them also severs love.
May Allah Almighty grant us Taufeeq to do those things which spread love and protect us from those means which spread hatred.
اٰمِیْن بِجَاہِ النَّبِیِّ الْاَمِیْن صلَّی اللہ علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم