Upbringing Of Offspring
July 18,2017 - Published 2 years ago
UPBRINGING OF OFFSPRING
Children are one of the greatest blessings of Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ . Children are a blessing which bring about happiness in the home. Righteous children are a blessing which become a support for their parents in their old age. Good children bring about the salvation of their parents when parents die. Whenever Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ blesses parents with a child, they are over the moon, but with the arrival of this blessing their trial also begins. Now it is up to parents whether or not they succeed in this trial by giving their children Islamic upbringing .
Children usually follow the habits and character of their parents. If parents follow Shari’ah strictly and are eager to gain knowledge, their generations also follow the path of righteousness and bring about salvation, forgiveness and good name for their parents, but if parents have bad habits, so the same bad habits can also be found in their children, therefore such children do not bring about salvation, but destruction.
It is the responsibility of both parents to give upbringing to their children, but the father considers himself free from this responsibility after attributing overall responsibility to the mother due to earning livelihood, whereas the wife considers her husband to be responsible for the upbringing of children by giving the reason of her household chores. As a result, their children get out of their control and become a trouble for them. Therefore, both parents should understand their responsibility and should not become heedless or lazy in making their children righteous and the members of good character in the society because children feel a deep and a long-term effect of whatever they learn in their childhood. It is stated in a blessed Hadees: اَلْعِلْمُ في صِغَرِهِ كالنَّقْشِ عَلَى الحَجَر Gaining knowledge in childhood is like a [strong] mark on a stone.
(Majma’-uz-Zawaid, vol. 1, pp. 333, Hadees 5015)
The Beloved Rasool صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم recited the following Ayah:
قُوۡۤ ا اَ نۡفُسَکُمۡ وَ اَہۡلِیۡکُمۡ نَارًاTranslation from Kanz-ul-Iman: Save yourselves and your families from the fire.
(Part 28, Surah At-Tahreem, Ayah 6)
The blessed companions رَضِىَ الـلّٰـهُ تَـعَـالٰی عَـنْـهُم humbly asked, ‘Ya Rasoolallah صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم! How should we protect our family members from fire?’ The Beloved Rasool صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم said, ‘Order them to perform the deeds Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ likes, and prevent them from the deeds Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ dislikes.’
(Tafseer Durr-e-Mansur, vol. 8, pp. 225)
The Beloved Rasool صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم has stated: It is the right of a child upon his father to give him a good name and teach good manners.
(Shu’ab-ul-Iman, vol. 6, pp. 400, Hadees 8658)
In our society, parents are extremely negligent in the matter of giving upbringing to their children perhaps because they were themselves not well brought up. Of course, how can the one, who himself is unaware of Shar’i rulings and needs good upbringing, give upbringing to others? Therefore when these liberal parents receive a proposal of marriage for their daughters, they prefer the boy who is rich, possesses different degrees of arts and sciences and belongs to a modern family. They do not bother about the matters that the boy does not offer even one time Salah, commits sins openly, earn Haraam livelihood, is notorious for his cheating, does not know even the necessary rulings of Islam, in short he does not follow the teachings of Islam. On the other hand, if someone suggests them to marry their daughter to a boy whose income is low, but 100% Halal, can fulfil the rights of his wife, who is pious, abstinent and religious, who is the embodiment of knowledge and practice [upon the knowledge], modesty and Sunnahs, whose heart is filled with the fear of Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ and the devotion to Beloved Mustafa صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم who is the Imam of a Masjid, Muazzin, Qaari or associated with the Madani environment, so مَـعَـاذَ الـلّٰـه عَـزَّوَجَـلَّ they speak such sentences for him: If our daughter marries him, she will die of hunger, he will confine her to his home, he will keep her in purdah from head to toe, etc.
Remember! Good parents do not commit this careless act at all, but rather they always look for a pious person for the Nikah (marriage) of their sisters and daughters.
مِری آنیوالی نسلیں ترے عشق ہی میں مچلیں انہیں نیک تم بنانا مدنی مدینے والے
It is a fact that man reaps whatever he sows. It does not happen that he sows something else and reaps something else. The same example applies to a child. Parents do not give Islamic upbringing to their children, yet they expect that ‘our children will also become pious, abstinent and obedient; they will become respectable and people of good character in the society.’ When they find the result contrary to what they expect it’s too late. Now if parents want to try to reform them, they cannot. Parents who are sick of their spoiled children if think about the causes of their children being spoilt, they will find their own mistakes. For instance, if a child does not work or becomes lazy in work, takes a day off from his school or coaching centre, or reaches there late, does not study properly, does not agree if asked to go to a particular party or to wear a particular dress, similarly if he attends to other worldly matters with ifs and buts or becomes obstinate, parents take notice of it, scold him and advise him for hours, even sometimes they punish him.
On the other hand, if a child misses his Salah or does not offer it with Jama’at, takes a day off from Madrasah or Jami’ah or reaches there late, keeps in touch with non-Mahrams through the mobile phone, WhatsApp, etc., watches films and dramas, listens to songs and music, adopts new fashions, does not care for Halal and Haraam, drinks wine, plays cards, tells lies, does backbiting, adopts impermissible fashion, gets his beard shaved or gets it trimmed to less than a fist, sits in the company of people of corrupt belief, spends money in useless activities and becomes involved in many other different types of evils, parents do not even frown let alone asking them about these matters.
On the Day of Judgement, the wife and children of a man will make a complaint in the court of Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ . They will say, ‘O our Lord عَزَّوَجَلَّ! Make this person compensate for our unfulfilled right. He never taught us about religion, and he provided us with Haraam sustenance and we were unaware.’ The person would be beaten so severely for earning Haraam sustenance that his flesh would come off his bones.
Then he would be brought to the Balance [i.e. Meezan] where angels would bring his good deeds equivalent to mountains. Then, one of his family members would come and say, ‘I am short of good deeds’ and take some of them. Then another person from his family will say, ‘You made me eat [sustenance] from usury [i.e. interest]’, and he will also take some of his good deeds. In this way, his family members will take all of his good deeds. Then he would say turning his face towards his wife and children in despair, ‘Alas! Now I have the burden of those sins and acts of cruelty which I committed for you.’ The angels will announce, ‘He is (the unfortunate) person whose family has taken all of his good deeds and he entered Hell because of them.’
(Qurra-tul-‘Uyoon, pp. 401)
Have you noticed! The parents who do not give upbringing to their children feel deeply ashamed and suffer terrible insult. Therefore being good parents teach your children how to love the Holy Quran and act upon its commandments.
Parents’ good upbringing make children good and bad upbringing makes them bad. Pious children are a source of comfort in the world and a source of salvation in the Hereafter. Good parents are never heedless of their children’s upbringing. A good child becomes a source of salvation for parents after their death. The kind of need for the Madani Tarbiyyat [upbringing] of children we feel today has perhaps never been felt before. The children who do not have good company during their upbringing bring about worry and trouble for their parents at times when they grow up. The parents who do not give correct upbringing to their children feel ashamed and fall into disgrace. Therefore being good parents teach your children how to love the Holy Quran and act upon its commandments.
May Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ make us and our generations the devotees of Rasool and righteous!
اٰمِيۡن بِجَاهِ النَّبِيِّ الۡاَمِيۡن صَلَّى اللّٰهُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيۡهِ وَاٰلِه وَسَلَّم
صَلُّوۡا عَلَى الۡحَبِيۡب صَلَّى اللّٰهُ تَعَالٰى عَلٰى مُحَمَّد