Zayd’s wedding is very near and his sister also says, ‘If you invite that uncle to your wedding, I will not attend.’

In this case, there is a fear of hurting the uncle’s feelings by not inviting him, but if he is invited, the sister will be upset. What should Zayd do in this scenario? Should he listen to his sister and not invite his uncle, or disregard her demands?

The imam replied by saying:

Zayd’s sister and uncle are close relatives with whom ties must be maintained. It is impermissible to dissolve ties with either.

He should try to appease his sister however possible. He may even secretly invite his uncle to the wedding, yet say to her, ‘I want to make you happy whichever way possible. I will not invite our uncle or involve him in my wedding. All I will say is this; if he comes of his own accord, then do not be upset with me. He is like a father to us. If a stranger were to show up without invitation (at a gathering of any kind), it would still be considered bad manners to throw them out. If that’s the case for a stranger, then what about someone who is like a father to us?’

Zayd should make use of statements such as these and seek to appease both parties. He will attain reward for this. When he says, ‘I will not invite him’, he should intend the following: ‘I will not invite him personally, though I may send somebody else to or send an invitation letter/message’. When he mentions the uncle coming of his own accord, Zayd should intend, ‘He may arrive himself on foot (with his own transport), I will not carry him to the ceremony.’

In essence, he should say that which has dual meaning, and these statements are known as توريه (taūriyah) - they outwardly appear as lies but are truth in reality. A blessed ḥadīth describes