How a father should be?

Dear Islamic brothers! Father is the head and ruler of his children, and ruler will be questioned about his subjects. As it is mentioned in blessed Hadees: ‘الرَّجُلُ رَاعٍ عَلٰی اَهْلِ بَيْتِهِ وَهُوَ مَسْؤُوْلٌ عَنْھُمْ’ i.e. ‘Man is the guardian of his household and will be questioned regarding them.’ (Sahih Bukhari, vol. 2, pp. 159, Hadees 2554)

The commentator of Quran, Hakeem-ul-Ummat, Mufti Ahmad Yar Khan رَحْمَةُ اللهِ تَعَالٰی عَلَيْه says: Man will be questioned; did you fulfil the Shar’i rights of your wife and children? Did you bear the expenses for those whom you were responsible for? Moreover, did you educate those whom you were responsible for providing education to? (Mirat-ul-Manajih, vol. 5, pp. 352)

It is mentioned in Tafseer Siraat-ul-Jinaan: As it is compulsory for a Muslim to reform himself, at the same time, it is also compulsory upon him to educate and train his family members according to the Islamic teachings. Therefore, every Muslim should either give or provide education of Islamic commandments to his family and subordinates. Similarly, he should train them under the shadow of Islamic principles so that they also remain safe from the hellfire. (Siraat-ul-Jinaan, vol. 10, pp. 221)

Dear Islamic brothers! Children are a great blessing of Allah Almighty. To appreciate this blessing, one should bring his children up in a good manner. Only then this blessing will become a blessing. Otherwise, there are countless such people who do not bring their children up in the right manner and end up suffering and undergo hardships because of their own children. Remember! Father’s role in child’s upbringing is of a great importance. Allah Almighty has granted a father the status of the middle door of the Paradise. (Sunan Ibn Majah, vol. 4, pp. 186, Hadees 3663)

Being a father, there are also many responsibilities on every Muslim who have children. Along with training his child the art of living in the ups and downs of this world, the father also has to focus on providing him education and training. How a father should be in terms of providing education, training and good upbringing to his children? Let’s look at the following Madani pearls!

No matter how good and fine the seed is, it will only become a flower if the land is fertile. In the same way, mother is like a land to her children. So, father should select a woman who is pious, good natured, well-mannered and from a pious family background because the good or bad habits of mother and her family will transfer to the children as well in future. The Rasool of Rahmah, the Intercessor of Ummah صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم said, ‘Do not marry women for their beauty, and nor for their wealth. Lest their beauty and wealth lead them into disobedience and transgression. Rather, marry them for their religion; because a religious dark skinned slave woman with a flat nose is better.’ (Sunan Ibn Majah, vol. 2, pp. 415, Hadees 1859)

It is stated in another blessed Hadees, ‘Women give birth to children resembling to their own brothers and sisters.’ (Al-Kamil fi Du’afa-ir-Rijal, vol. 4, pp. 423)

Remember! Whatever actions we perform or words we speak in front of a child, he tries to do the same. There are such events also where a child learns when he is in mother’s womb too. Therefore, even if a child is one day old, father should always speak well and act well in front of him. He should not utter bad or offensive words in front of his child. He should also behave respectfully and politely towards his wife and other people, and should use kind and respectful words with them. An Islamic brother used to even call other kids “dear brother” in front of his own children. Therefore, his kids also used to call him “dear brother”. One day, he called the child with his name and children also started to do the same.

The relationship of a father and child is very dignified. Children who are close to their father remain safe from many difficulties of life. Father should have polite behaviour. Kind hearted and cooperative father leaves a positive impact on a child. Those children remain successful in life who get the feeling of love, affection and protection from their father. This relationship of child with his father makes him realize that someone is looking after him and keeping an eye over him. If a father is short-tempered, imposes undue restrictions, or if he is of an authoritative nature, then the child will also adopt the same manners. Therefore, a father’s nature should be such that a child can talk to him openly and discuss any problems or difficulties he may face during his growth.

Father should start upbringing children in a good manner from their childhood. Most of the times, the reason for the disobedience of children is that they have not been brought up properly in their childhood. That’s why a person said to his father, ‘you spoiled me during my childhood. Now I will spoil you in your old age’. (Sunan Ibn Majah, vol. 1, pp. 292, Taht-al-Hadees 311)

(To be continued in next month’s edition)




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