Do not make children cowards

Girl scared of cotton

An Islamic brother states that my daughter, Fatimah ‘Attariyyah, was scared with cotton by her mom at the age of around two years. Whenever she wanted her daughter to obey her, she would stand in front of her with cotton in her hand. The consequence we faced for it was that despite making efforts, we still could not remove the fear of cotton from her heart whereas she is six years old now. Her brother, who is two years younger than her, also scares her off from cotton. Once, our Madani daughter got injured. Due to this, we needed to get her bandaged. As soon as she saw cotton, she started screaming. Only we know how difficult it was for us to get her bandaged.

Do not let unnecessary fear develop in children

Due to being deprived of the religious and worldly knowledge or being unaware of how to bring children up, some parents keep scaring their children off on every little matter. For example, when children don’t eat, study, or refrain from being naughty, then they try to scare them off from ghosts, witches etc., and try to make them obey.

Dear parents! Children becoming coward is detrimental for their personality. If fear for something develops in their hearts once, then it will become very difficult to get rid of it.

Harmful effects of the fear among children

Fear harms a person internally the way termite harms the wood. The kids who are coward always lack confidence. They do not like taking up any responsibility due to the fear of failure. They fall prey to inferiority complex and can never become an exemplary personality. Unnecessary fear stops children from progressing or succeeding in various matters and affairs of their lives. For example:

٭   Being reluctant to come in front of the guests in case something happens and they have to face the scolding of their parents.

٭   Not being able to speak to a person whom they are not familiar with.

٭   Not being able to read out the lesson despite knowing it due to the fear of making a mistake.

٭   Being scared of taking something out of the fridge or picking a glass utensil due to the fear of breaking it.

٭   To the extent that fearing to mention their problems, hardships and worries they face, in front of their parents.

In short, those in whose psyche the element of fear is embedded since their childhood, they unconsciously remain in this state even when they grow up and feel difficulty in spending a successful life.

Develop the fear of Allah Almighty

Develop the fear of Allah Almighty in your children. Embed the love of Paradise and fear of Hell in their hearts. In this relation, relay those narrations to children according to their intellect in which the rewards of Paradise and punishments of Hell are mentioned. Moreover, teach them that if we obey Allah Almighty and His Beloved Rasool صَلَّى اللّٰہُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم, then we will attain Paradise. And if we spend our lives in disobeying Allah Almighty, then the punishment of Hell will await us. Sayyiduna Anas رَضِىَ اللّٰہُ تَعَالٰی عَنْهُ said to his son, ‘Son! Refrain from being Saflah [سفلہ].’ He humbly asked, ‘Who is Saflah?’ He رَضِىَ اللّٰہُ تَعَالٰی عَنْهُ replied, ‘The one who does not fear Allah Almighty.’ (Shu’ab-ul-Iman, vol. 1, pp. 480, Raqm 771)

May Allah Almighty enable us to develop His fear in our and our children’s hearts!

اٰمِيۡن   بِجَاهِ   النَّبِيِّ  الۡاَمِيۡن   صَلَّى  اللّٰهُ تَعَالٰى  عَلَيۡهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم

Like past, days kept passing this time too, father also kept making understand his both sons but Khalid and Naasir both were badly stuck to their same old routine; eating, keeping themselves engaged in social media through mobile phones and going to Dar-ul-Madinah (school) daily but showing no interest in studies. So, when exams would approach, they would buy solved papers and answer guides, and after a quick preparation, they would manage to succeed exams with just passing marks. This time too, just a month was left before the start of exams but they were showing laziness as they did previously.

Imtiyaz Sahib, a very nice teacher of Dar-ul-Madinah, reached their house in the evening when he learned about their lazy attitude towards studies. Both brothers seated him in the drawing room. Naasir got the tea prepared immediately and came in the drawing room with tea and biscuits.

Imtiyaz Sahib: Do you know that exams are starting just after a month.

Khalid and Naasir: Yes sir they are. We know about them.

While taking a sip, Imtiyaz Sahib said: So did you start preparing for exams? Other students have started preparing for exams.

Khalid: It is too early. There is a whole month left yet for it.

Imtiyaz Sahib: Look, dear sons! If you start preparing from now, you will not only prepare for it easily but also you can obtain very good marks.

Naasir: Like the past, we can do preparation this time too when exams will get closer. Though we will prepare for exams in the last few days, we will succeed, so, what benefit can we have by doing preparation so early?

Imtiyaz Sahib: There are many benefits of doing preparation for the exam beforehand:

1     You would not have a burden of memorising a lot of stuff at once but rather you have to memorise a small portion of content.

2     You will memorise it after understanding it.

3     Memorising content in this way will stay in your mind for a long time.

4     You will be relaxed during the examination days.

5     You will have time to repeat your lessons. If you do not prepare for your exams from now, you will not be able to derive the real benefits of your exams, though you may manage to pass them. Try it this time, اِنْ شَـآءَ اللّٰہ عَزَّوَجَلَّ, you will definitely benefit.

Khalid: We are habitual of preparing from the papers of previous years and they prove to be helpful in preparing for exams easily.

Imtiyaz Sahib took the last sip of tea and said: Both of you should not rely on such types of stuff because many times it happens that the questions mentioned in these papers are different from what appears in the exams; even if few questions appear to be same, one can merely obtain passing marks. Why do you think just about passing the exams? When you will obtain good marks, not only will you earn respect for yourself but also you will bring good name to your parents. So, prepare for exams from your books and ask your teachers and class-fellows about what you fail to understand.

Khalid and Naasir: We will do accordingly.

Imtiyaz Sahib: I am glad, and I believe if you start working hard from right now onwards, you will pass your exam with good marks. Alright, I leave now but I will surely keep getting follow up daily about it.

Khalid and Naasir: Sure sir.

Thereafter both these brothers started preparation from books and started making notes too. This early preparation for exams benefited them immensely. Previously, those who hardly used to pass the exams have done well this time and obtained good marks. They looked like very happy when they had result cards in their hands. Upon returning from Dar-ul-Madinah, they had made firm intention that they would prepare for exams beforehand in future.

At the age of 40, our Beloved Rasool صَلَّى اللّٰہُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم declared his Nubuwwah (Prophethood) and kept inviting [people] secretly to Islam for three years. After three years, Allah Almighty commanded him to gather the close members of the family and invite them to Islam. The Beloved Rasool صَلَّى اللّٰہُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم gathered the people of Quraysh on the mountain ‘Safa’ and took their testimony that he is Sadiq and Ameen. After this he صَلَّى اللّٰہُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم invited them to embrace Islam and frightened them off the torment from Allah Almighty in case of not embracing Islam. Having heard this, his uncle Abu Lahab and his companions flew into a rage. Abu Lahab started talking nonsense like this: ‘May you be destroyed! Did you gather us for this purpose!’ (مَعَاذَ اللّٰە) Thus speaking blasphemous sentences and showing disrespect for the Beloved Rasool صَلَّى اللّٰہُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم Abu Lahab and his companions left.

Stinking dead body of Abu Lahab

Dear Madani children! On this blasphemy of His Beloved صَلَّى اللّٰہُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم Allah Almighty has revealed a complete Surah of the Holy Quran in rejection of Abu Lahab and his wife and stated their end before their death. What happened was that after two years of Muslims’ migration to Madinah Munawwarah Abu Lahab suffered from a disease of black spots that was called ‘Adasah [عَدَسَە] in Arab. The people of ‘Arab would not go near the person who would suffer from this disease. They thought that by going near the affected person they would also catch the disease. In this way, during his illness, no one went to inquire after him and he died in the state of helplessness after a week. That accursed person’s dead body kept lying there for three days and then it ruptured after swelling. Not only did others avoid going near him but his own sons also avoided going near him. When life became very difficult for people due to the stinking smell of his dead body, they started abusing his sons. Finally, his sons hired some labours and made them throw his dead body somewhere.

Wife’s noose-tied dead body

Dear Madani children! Umm-e-Jameel, the wife of Abu Lahab, also troubled our Beloved Rasool صَلَّى اللّٰہُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم as Abu Lahab did. This wretched and unfortunate woman would bring a big bundle full of thorns on her head and would then spread the thorns in the way of the Beloved Rasool صَلَّى اللّٰہُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم. She was punished for committing blasphemy against the Beloved Rasool صَلَّى اللّٰہُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم like this that one day she was bringing the bundle of thorns tied with the rope that was tied around her neck. At one place, she sat for taking rest. In the meanwhile, by the command of Allah Almighty, an angel pulled the bundle from behind due to which a noose tightened around Umm-e-Jameel’s throat and she died of strangulation. (Derived from: Seerat-e-Mustafa, pp. 111-113; Siraat-ul-Jinaan, vol. 10, pp. 857-861)

Madani pearls obtained from the parable

Dear children! A blasphemer [one who blasphemes the Beloved Nabi صَلَّى اللّٰہُ تَعَالٰى عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم] is not only destroyed in the world, but his Hereafter is also destroyed. Abu Lahab died in disgrace in the world and now he will dwell in Hell and will be destined for the torment of fire in the Hereafter. Similarly, Umm-e-Jameel met an agonizing death in the world and she will have fire chains around her neck and a bundle of Hell sticks on her back in the Hereafter. May Allah Almighty enable us to remain respectful until we are alive and protect us even from the evil influence of blasphemers!

Mahfuz sada rakhna Shaha! Bay-adabaun say

Aur mujh say bhi sarzad na kabhi bay-adabi ho

(Wasail-e-Bakhshish, pp. 315)